Monday, January 18, 2010

Last breath and frustrations.

Well my dearest of readers, what a weekend i have had. Sadly i have to announce the death of my Great Aunty, the woman whom i am named after, the woman who i sat with as she took her last breath.

I am posting very briefly, while i have a moment to myself, a list i compiled on Saturday in a fit of frustration with badly dressed people. I myself have moments of fashion-dont's but they are kept behind closed doors, never would i venture in public showcasing any of these fashion crimes.

The list of dont's:
  1. Don't ever replace jeans with jeggings (leggings that look like jeans). They are not a clothing item.
  2. Never EVER wear sneens (sneakers and jeans), just don't. It's not attractive at all.
  3. This is one that follows on from number two. Never ever ever wear sneakers with your beautifully cut suit on the way to work. I don't care that you can't wear your heels on that walk, swap the sneakers for a flat pair of black shoes like ballet flats. Sneakers are not acceptable attire with pantyhose and suits.
  4. Elasticized jeans are evil. Just chop them up and walk away.
  5. Unless your under the age of 10, highlighter coloured clothing is not appropriate in any circumstance.
  6. Boys this one is for you. Satin boxers are not good for your health, are not 'sexy' and when they are covered in childish cartoon characters they do not make us want you more.
  7. Another one for the boys, jeans should not be worn under your bum, just like above, showing us your Daffy Duck boxers above them does not make us respect you.
  8. Likewise boys your jeans should never be so baggy that your entire body can fit into one leg.
  9. If you don't have ankles, don't wear ankle boots. Simple as that.
  10. Puffa jackets should never be worn with Jandels, it defeats the purpose.
  11. If you're over the age of 40 (and a female) you should never wear; chucks, 3/4 skin tight jeans, blue eye shadow, pig tails or full length skirts.
  12. When you colour your hair just remember, if your highlights look like tiger stripes you have obviously chosen a hair dresser that is still caught up in 1999 fashion.
  13. Never style your hair in a way that makes you look like you did it with a vacuum cleaner.
  14. NEVER over pluck your eyebrows, it's seriously unattractive.
  15. Shoulder pads went out of fashion in the 80s for a reason. Don't wear them if you have broad shoulders already. BAD IDEA.
  16. Kitten heels should be banned, burnt or blown up. The don't do any outfit justice.
  17. Fishnet tights should never be worn with open toe shoes.
  18. If your a size 14+ never wear horizontal stripes.

That's all i have on my list right now, sorry about the rant, but it has been a hard weekend and it does feel good to get that off my chest. I will post better stuff when i can.

Tot ziens

5 comments: said...

House MD rocks sneans.

The Style Hive said...

Totally agree with this list, especially number six.

Rosie Dawson-Hewes said...

Oh my, you just had me in fits of giggles with number 13!! I totally agree with all of these - I'm glad someone vented what we were all feeling!

Violet said...

But it's only us older women who want to wear full length skirts - because we're too old to wear minis.

imnotmygeneration said...

Oh Violet, i definitely wouldn't put you in that category of older women. I'm just saying full length skirts don't do anyone justice, and of course you don't have to wear a mini. Under the knee and calf length skirts are great!